Monday, November 2, 2009

Political Campaigns: The Rogue Squirrel Edition

It's been the same way for as long as I can remember. Political candidates, bashing their opponents to promote themselves. What's confusing to this voter is the methods used by grown men and women to acquire votes.

This person hates babies and punches midgets during happy hour at a bar owned by a Nazi sympathizer. The way I see it, these high school-type squabbles perpetrated by adults, shouldn't be encouraged. Yet, they are still a normal means of campaigning, so I'm left with screaming at the TV and running full speed into a brick wall repeatedly to try and inflict enough mental damage to put me on the level of these idiots.

Political candidates are applying to serve as our voice in the government. Technically they should be working for us. So we'd be their boss. This way of thinking doesn't seem too crazy. What if I walked into a job interview and started stating the faults of the other applicants.

"I heard that the guy that interviewed before me was caught slapping quadriplegic babies."

For some crazy reason, I don't think that course of action would find me happily employed.

The candidates, and I'm specifically speaking about, but not limited to, the Virginia gubernatorial race. Bob McDonnell treats women like a episode of Mad Men. Creigh Deeds lies about taxes and pees on the truth. It's a little aggravating when we the voters are berated by negativity. How about Bob McDonnell come forward and say that Deeds is a fine dancer and enjoys a nice sunset. Creigh Deeds could campaign for the way McDonnell's demeanor tickles the heart like butterfly kisses from angels. Probably not going to happen, but just a small cross-section of how ass backwards the American political scene appears. They are forcing us to vote for the lesser of two evils. One candidate farts on cancer patients but the other slips a powerful laxative into the soup at homeless shelters.

Even during debates the candidates argue like children caught drawing on the walls with permanent marker. Their immaturity knows no bounds. I find myself voting on the stability of a candidate's hair cut. I bet the campaign managers of each candidate were picked on relentlessly in school. Poor guys, they just want to exact their revenge at the expense of millions of lives.

No comments: